Archive for the ‘Love and Sex’ Category

The Dilemma Of Love – (part 2)

Love Beyond The Romantic

by Pastor Vincent Imwensi

(Continued from part 1)

An anchor in the storm
It is not only sexual unfaithfulness that tears love apart. More often than not, it has to do with the storms of life. They come to everyone in one form or the other. It is only those relationships that weather the storm that live to tell the story.

I can truly testify that if it had not been for God in our marriage, the whole thing would have been long done for. In fact, right from the time of courtship before we got married, there were already hostile winds that threatened to put an end to our relationship. Many marriages and relationships that have crumbled did not experience half the turbulence that ours has gone through and it is stronger than ever before. The secret? God and His word!

Why then do Christian marriages fail?

There is no denying the fact that many Christian marriages are ending in divorce nowadays including those of gospel ministers but that does not diminish the veracity of what I am sharing with you.

I admit that challenges differ from one marriage to another but the truth remains that if both couples in a Christian marriage will do what God says to do, that marriage will not break come hell or high waters. Don’t forget that it is one thing to know and it is another thing to do. The benefit belongs to those who know and do rather than those who know but fail to do (for whatever reasons).

Show me one Christian marriage (anywhere for that matter) where the husband loves his wife like God commands in His word and the wife totally submits to her husband like God says a wife should do, which ended in a divorce. You are not likely going to find any.
But unfortunately, these days, human wisdom and philosophical ideologies have been brought in to replace or “fine-tune” the word of God, and that is why the unthinkable is now happening in the church.

A big Mistake
I am surprised to find out that so many people don’t want to involve God in their relationships including some so called Christians. For a lot of people, it is ok to acknowledge God in their relationship but only to a certain extent. Some tend to think that a deeper commitment to God will ruin their marriage and family life. Nothing can be further from the truth.

I have seen people fight hard to keep their spouses away from churches especially those ones where true-hearted commitment to the things of God is emphasized.
If you are wise, you will be the one dragging your reluctant spouse to church (I mean a living church).
There is no better source of the wisdom, understanding and positive godly influence needed to keep your love protected from countless vices than a good church.

Love beyond the romantic
Let me quickly point out that romantic love is not the only type of love. There is also the love between friends and family members. It is called phillia love.

But the greatest love of all is the unconditional love of God called agape in the Bible. This is the love with which God loves everyone of us (good or bad). And that is why He continues to pour His blessings upon the ungodly who snub Him as well as the God-fearing who keep His word and do His will.

Love was the reason He died


See how the Bible puts it:
“All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him (i.e. Jesus Christ) the iniquity of us all”(1)
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”(2)
“This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins”(3)

We are all in need of God’s love (whether we know it or not). And I am happy to let you know dear friend that God loves you irrespective of who you are and what you have done right or wrong.

To express His love for us, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ to this world in order to pay the penalty for your sins. He died a horrible death on the cross after an unimaginable torture to pay that price for us – all because of God’s love for you and I.

Rejected or betrayed love
I think one of the most painful ordeals to the human heart is rejected or betrayed love. Have you ever loved somebody and they turned down your love? Have you ever loved somebody and they betrayed your love? How does it feel?

If you’ve never had that experience, you don’t need to go far to find out. Just check out some newspapers, magazines or watch some documentaries. Read the heart rending accounts of people whose lovers betrayed their love, listen to the sad tales behind many broken marriages and relationships, find out the truth behind many “crimes of passion” (like they call it) – and you will realize how painful it is.

I am sure you’ve heard the word “broken-hearted” before. It can be caused by a number of things but nothing breaks the heart like betrayed or rejected love.

Don’t reject God’s love for you!
How do you think God feels when His love is rejected the way so many people are doing today?
Rejecting the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is tantamount to rejecting the love of God for your soul. It is not that God is forcing anyone to accept His love – the choice is ours whether to accept or reject His wonderful and underserved love.

But whatever type of love it is, they all have something in common – the capacity to generate so much good when properly received and handled as well as the capacity to do the very opposite when rejected, betrayed or spurned. Many a family feud is caused by “soured love.”

Rejecting God’s love in particular, has eternal repercussions and hence the Bible asks: How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation in Christ Jesus?(4)
Here, it is talking about escaping God’s coming judgment.

Don’t let God’s love for you to turn sour.
Open your heart and embrace His wonderful love by receiving the free salvation that God is offering you in Christ Jesus. Why not do it today? Click here for more help.

(Reerences: (1)Isaiah 53:6 (2)John 3:16 (3)1John 4:10 (4)Hebrews 2:3)

The Dilemma Of Love – (part 1)

by Pastor Vincent Imwensi

Love is a beautiful thing
Have you ever been in love? I mean romantic love with someone of the opposite sex? I am not talking of infatuation and lust but real sincere love. If you have, you will agree with me that it is a wonderful thing.

To truly love somebody who also loves you with the same or greater intensity is one of the most beautiful experiences known to man. It fills your life with sunshine, your heart with gladness and your mouth with laughter. In fact, it adds meaning to life and makes it worth living.

 I know what it means
By God’s grace, I became a born again Christian early in my life and so the Bible became “a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”. As a result, I did not dabble much into the quagmire of youthful lusts with all the pains, hurts, heartaches and regrets that often go with it. I saw what happened to some of my colleagues and friends who went out to experiment.

It was not that I did not find the opposite sex attractive or that I was never tempted – of course I was! But I understood from God’s word that I needed to wait until I was ready for true love before venturing into it.

So I waited patiently (while concentrating on my studies) until I was ready to get married and that was when I opened the door. Prayerfully, I went out searching and I found. Yes, I fell in love with someone really special and married my sweetheart.

It has been a number of years since then (well over ten years) and today, we are happier together than we’ve ever been – and I mean that.

To be honest with you, it has not always been a smooth ride. There have been times when it was all so sweet, but also there have been many troubled times when things were rough, when the violent and ugly winds of life’s realities threatened to blow us apart. So I am not a total novice in this department, I have learnt one or two things.

Like a jigsaw puzzle
There is perhaps no other subject on earth today, other than love, which has within it the capacity to generate a combination of opposing extremes.

It can provoke the greatest excitement as well as the deepest disappointment; it can produce sweetness as well as bitterness, goodness as well as wickedness, kindness as well as cruelty, gentleness as well as violence, happiness as well as heartaches …. etc.

Nothing can build as well as love does and yet nothing can destroy more than love when it turns sour. It can bring two total strangers into oneness and bond them together in beautiful harmony but also, it can tear apart bosom friends and make them unforgiving enemies.

It can beam the light of hope and lift up the downcast into a high euphoria of bliss but at the same time, if not handled properly, it can wipe the smile off the face of the happiest person and cast his soul down into the pool of deep despair.

Those who don’t have it wish for it but those who mishandle it wish they never had it. Love is something you can’t satisfactorily live without.

Life without love (not necessarily romantic love) is like an empty shell. But when violated, love can turn into something you want to run from. What a dilemma indeed!

What went wrong with love?
Something is not right somewhere about this love thing. How can the very thing that is supposed to yield so much fulfillment, joy and happiness become the root cause of so much bitterness, wickedness, disappointment and sadness?
Do you know how many people each year pull the trigger or stab with a cruel knife to kill the one they are supposed to love most dearly?

Many reasons may be advanced for this but I believe that the chief cause of love dilemma is because God is left out of it.

Love between man and woman (romantic love) was God’s idea, to begin with. It was God who said it was not good for man to be alone and He created the woman as a result (Gen.2:18-25).

When Adam set his eyes on Eve, it was love at first sight. He was so excited that he constructed a poem right on the spot –
“…This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh:
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife:
and they shall be one flesh…”

And that melody of love and sweet harmony between Adam and his wife continued until man fell out with God through disobedience.
Sorry if you do not believe the Bible but I do.

It still works today
Letting God into your life and basing your marriage or relationship on His word is the best antidote against “love decay” and the best tonic that can protect your love and keep your love life from turning sour.

Hacking your spouse’s telephone conversations, probing every unfamiliar number that you find on their phone bills or even hiring private detectives to stalk them will not safeguard your love. Look around and you will see that this is true. In fact, more than likely, these actions will bring in the divorce lawyers quicker than anything else.

The reason I don’t cheat on my wife
By God’s grace, I do not cheat on my wife and I am not about to do so. In fact, the mere thought of it is offensive to me.

That is not to say that I am better or stronger than anyone else – not at all.
If you must know, the reason is NOT because I am a disciplined man (with plenty of self-control) or that I do not feel tempted by the opposite sex or that I hold a responsible position as a Pastor or that my wife is so flawless that she doesn’t do things that I hate sometimes or that I don’t want to hurt her feelings – none of those.

Of course, I would hate to purposely do anything that will hurt her feelings but there is a way a man’s weakness can get hold of him that he ends up doing weird things without caring about who gets hurt and who doesn’t. That is the naked truth.

The reason I don’t cheat on my wife is because of my relationship with God through faith in Christ Jesus. To me, this is a very real thing. This relationship has brought into my life the fear of God, the ability to overcome temptations and personal weaknesses as well as the consciousness of His indwelling presence.

Even behind closed doors in a remote hotel, God’s presence is there. How can you then do what He calls abomination right before His watching eyes? Such a wonderful consciousness makes it hard to do some ugly stuff. Every truly born again Christian committed to walking with God can testify to these blessed realities in their lives.

You don’t know what you are missing!
People don’t know what they miss when they live their lives based on their own humanistic ideologies without God. A living relationship with the almighty God is not only life-changing, it is exciting and with many advantages including where love is concerned.

I am not talking of dead religiosity here – I am talking of a living relationship with God (by faith in Christ Jesus) that satisfies the deep longings of the human soul.

Dear friend, you need Him more than you do realize and I invite you to open the door of your heart and enter into a wonderful relationship with God. He loves you!  Click here to find out how.


by Pastor Vincent Imwensi

The subject of sex has become so popular these days that there is hardly any where you look without being bombarded with sexual materials, suggestions, symbols, enticements, or matters that are connected with sex in one way or the other.
Maybe it has always been a popular subject but I doubt if sex has ever enjoyed the high and exalted pedestal on which it has now been placed. It has become such a glorified subject especially in the western media.
Sex-based programmes are now common place on national televisions and this is hailed as a good thing especially as many have come to see the need to address the “myths” and uneducated “taboos” surrounding the subject.

Sex is good and it is a blessing

There are some people who think that sex is bad or is dirty and that serious Christians or “good people” should have little or nothing to do with it. But that is wrong. Sex is good and indeed, it is a blessing given to man by God. It all depends on the way it is being used.
It is just like money. Money is a blessing and there is nothing wrong with it. But unfortunately, some people tend to think that money is bad and that if you are a serious Christian, you shouldn’t be talking about money. Till today, the ministers that receive the greatest persecutions (both from Christians and non-Christians) are those who preach on financial prosperity and walk in financial prosperity.
But there is nothing wrong with money and nothing wrong with being rich. It all has to do with the way a person relates with and uses money – because there is a right and wrong way to use and relate with money.
So the subject of sex should not be considered a taboo by Christians, neither should we shy away from knowledge that centres on sex.

Practical Sex Education

Recently, a television programme titled sex education came on national television (Channel 4, in the U.K.). It was directed at teaching the young people sex lessons ‘in a way they will never forget’. It sought to explain all the ‘explainables’ about sex and in fact went the extra mile.
The points made were driven home with naked models (men and women) who stripped in front of the camera during each segment of the programme. Their genitals and other parts of their bodies provided very vivid illustrations as the presenter gave the youths, unforgettable sex lessons.
What was more, there was a doctor on hand to explain all the ‘technical bits’ and provide educated insights into the human anatomy flavoured with her wealth of experience as a medical doctor.
Apart from some practical biology lessons, the heartbeat of the programme seemed to focus on addressing the growing and worrying problems of teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases (especially among the youths) which are said to be largely attributable to sexual ignorance among them.
There was a concern in the presenters of the programme (it seemed) to warn the youths of the consequences of their sexual involvements. It was as if they were on a mission to save many youths the sorrows and anguish of unwanted pregnancies and babies as well as the devastating effects of STDs and STI, (sexually transmitted diseases and sexually transmitted infections) which is quite a laudable objective.

It’s better to know than to be ignorant

To all intents and purposes this was a good educational programme and I have nothing against it. In fact, I commend the courage and efforts of those who put the programme together bearing in mind what (I supposed) they were out to achieve.
In everything, knowledge is good and profitable especially if well utilised. Someone once said ‘if you think knowledge is costly, try ignorance’. You are better off knowing than being ignorant because the cost of not knowing can wreck unimaginable havoc. In fact, God said in His word, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”.
So we should not shy away from the acquisition of knowledge including sex education.
However, a one-sided knowledge can be dangerous – sometimes even more dangerous than total ignorance. Therefore on the subject of sex, it is important that a balanced understanding is presented.

What the sex educators did not say

I found quite disturbing the fact that the youths were not told at any point that there was anything wrong with having sex outside the bounds of marriage. What they were taught was If you are going to have sex, make sure you do it safely. That seemed to have sent out all the wrong messages.
The need for them to use condoms was emphasised again and again. In fact, during one of the sections, the youths were given a practical lesson (in a laboratory type of setting) on the right and wrong ways of wearing condoms.
You can’t blame the presenters of the programme though. They were simply reflecting the general attitude or stance of the society on the subject of sex – not just among the youths but at large.
However, there is another side to sex education about which the sex educators said nothing. Maybe they were unaware of this just as many people are.

The greatest danger is a hidden one

The dangers associated with unmarried sex are way beyond unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. In fact, there is a danger that outweighs these two put together.

If the government, the society and well-meaning individuals can be worried enough to want to educate and warn people about the dangers surrounding unprotected sex, shouldn’t these same be rather concerned about the gravest danger of all?

What is this danger? you may ask. It is the danger of facing God’s eternal judgment on sexual immorality which includes sexual sins of all kinds.

According to God’s word (the Bible), sex should only be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage. But these days, that is considered outdated, irrelevant and unthinkable.

God tells us in His word that sex outside of wedlock is a sin (or a punishable offence) before Him. And the judgment He has prepared for it is severe.

For instance look at Rev.21:8 –  “But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

If unwanted pregnancy results from sexual encounter, it may cause some embarrassments and inconveniences as well as ruffle a few feathers here and there – but people do get over it.

If an STD is contacted through sex, the worst that can happen is that the individual dies (e.g. – as in the case of HIV or AIDS).

But God’s righteous judgment on sin (including sex outside of marriage) is forever. A dead sinner will wake up at the other side of reality to face God’s eternal judgment.

What if I don’t believe the Bible?

Well, you may say that you do not believe the bible but that does not diminish the truth of what is clearly written therein.

Truth is never devalued or rendered ineffective by neglect, denial or rejection. It will still prove true – except if it was never the truth in the first place. And God’s word is truth whether or not anyone chooses to believe or reject it.
As you read this, even at this very moment, there are many who are on their death beds – dying of AIDS. They were warned of the dangers of their lifestyle and their susceptibility to STDs including AIDS. But they did not believe it until they found themselves at the receiving end of what they thought was not true or would never happen to them.
So also, those who refuse to heed the warning of God’s word concerning the danger of sex outside of marriage, are exposing themselves to a very grave danger indeed.

We ought to let people know

People need to be educated concerning this danger. I am aware that many people don’t want to hear what the Bible has to say on such issues – especially on the “sacred” subject of sex. More often than not, they would mock, criticize and even persecute a born again Christian for raising this sort of awareness.
But if a medical doctor, a tv-presenter and some other well meaning individuals, have enough humanity in them to educate and warn their fellow humans on the dangers they know are real, what of the born again Christian? Shouldn’t we warn people concerning the danger we know to be true?
It is amazing that whereas the doctors and other informed individuals are not afraid to warn people concerning the dangers of certain lifestyles, many believers are more concerned these days about not offending people than telling them the truth they know.
A truly born again Christian knows that God’s word is true and that the warnings in the bible are real. The very life in the believer and the spiritual realities in which he lives are based on the truth of God’s word.
Should a believer then be silent for fear of not wanting to offend people while they blindly expose themselves to this impending danger? Should we not educate people so they can be saved from this danger?

Sexual sin is not the only sin but ….

Of course I am aware that sexual sin is not the only sin there is and that God’s judgement is not going to be limited to this sin alone.

Nevertheless, seeing that sexual perversion has now come to be seen as fun and sexual promiscuity has been granted such a “celebrity status” in our day and time, it is important to educate or remind anyone that will listen, of what they are playing with.  Sex outside of marriage portends a serious and eternal danger to which most people are oblivious.

Indeed, this seems to be a sin with an asterisk too. I do not think that hell has any greater dragnet with which it ensnares souls these days than sex-based sins. No wonder it is being given such publicity and hype.

In fact, only eternity will reveal how many multitudes of souls missed their way forever through sexual deceptions.

The way out

There is only one solution to sexual sin (as well as every other sin) – and that is to believe the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, repent and ask Him to save your soul.

When you turn to Him in simple faith, He will receive you and forgive all your sins irrespective of how deep you have been in sin. Furthermore, He will give you the power to live a God-pleasing life and walk in victory over sexual sin and other sins.
Why not turn to Him right now and get saved (if you have not already done so)? To find out more, click here.

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